So the other day I had a sudden revelation. It was on Sunday August 30th, 2015. I had the pleasure of going on an incredible hike to Booth Falls, CO and overheard the most remarkable story of how a young boys life was completely turned around after being, abandon, homeless and lonely, all before the age of 16. (Don’t you just love it when God puts people in your life to make you realize things you wouldn’t have otherwise). It reminded me that life is precious and every single day everyone’s in danger of dying. During the hike I noticed how he was thankful for each step that had brought him to that very moment. He realized his life wasn’t going to change unless he changed it. He had an overwhelming behavior of being blessed with each and every day, and silently appreciating every moment.
I got to thinking of the word happiness. Then the words of writer Colette came to me “What a wonderful life I’ve had, I only wish I’d realized it sooner.”
The vision of me looking back on my life in 70 years or after some great tragedy and saying the words “Wow cur look how happy you used to be then, if only you would have realized it!” Wow. That thought scares me.
I have so much to be happy about. Close relationships with my loving parents and sister. I have friends (that think I’m weird but still love me, thanks guys). I have a degree in something I truly love. I’m not in debt. I have nothing tying me down. I am extremely healthy. I still have wonderful existing relationships with old friends. I am on my way to being something/ someone great. But too often I ask myself “Is this really it?” “What do I want from life anyway?” “Well Cur you want to be happy…Yes?”
But what is it that makes me happy, or how might I try and become happier.
I’ve been pondering on this lately. And I gave myself new questions to ask: “How could I disciple myself to feel appreciative for ordinary days?” “How can I set myself at a higher standard as a friend, sister, daughter, and follower of Christ?” ”How can I be more thankful for the simple things in life and to keep the larger perspective of life even more clear?”
So obvi, I’m kinda having a 24 year old midlife malaise.
I never forget how fortunate I am, but at times I felt dissatisfied, like something was missing or I wasn’t deserving enough… (International travel opportunities, my dad’s car, being lavished with birthday/Christmas/ random holiday presents).
Too often I fail to grasp the simple splendor of what I have here and now, and being appreciative of all that has been given to me.
At the end of my life (whenever that may be) I hope I look back and feel grateful for each and every day.
Anyone will tell you I’m one of the happiest people they know. I have WAY too much energy (thanks dad!!) and I’m always looking on the bright side. I’m generally an overly happy person. I took the Authentic Happiness Inventory Questionnaire, of U Penn (lol) and on a range of 1 to 5 I scored a 3.83. Pretty happy! That’s me, 3.83 but I’d like to appreciate this number a bit more.
So I decided I’m going to dedicate a year of my life to happiness.
I don’t know if it is going to make a difference, but we’ll see what happens, right!?
Professor Callahan: “You think she just woke up one morning and said, ‘I think I’ll dedicate a year of my life to happiness!”